A Fake Internet Presence,
From: Larry Jackson (jackson at ncsa.uiuc.edu)
Subject: GIF Jokes
>From various news groups...
- Q: What's the difference between Intel and Compuserve?
- A: At least _Intel_ knew what was inside!
- Q: What do you say to a Unisys public relations employee?
- A: You're fired.
- Q: What do you say to a new Unisys employee?
- A: Public relations is to the left.
- Q: What's the difference between a Unisys patent lawyer and a vulture?
- A: $1.00 for the initial license, $.15 each additional copy.
- Q: Did you hear the one about the Pentium LZW/3 chip?
- A: Not only are the answers wrong, but seven years later you find a meter
running on the CPU!
- Q: Does Unisys have the rights to decompression as well?
- A: No. Digital has the rights to anything beginning with "dec..."
Top 10 things that CompuServe and UNISYS are going after next:
- Jif peanut butter - on the fact that many people pronounce "GIF" the
- The letters 'l', 'z', and 'w' in any context or form. (Language
experts are now trying to come up with a new, improved English
alphabet format which has all the qualities of the current alphabet
and no undesirable qualities.)
- Oh, yeah, CompuServe wants the letters 'g', 'i', and 'f'.
- Any computer or facsimile of a computer that's big and has blinking
- Bubblegum, just "because".
- Anything 'outside', since INTEL has the 'inside' covered.
- Any use to the names of the men for whom the LZH compression method
was named after. Any children of yours and you will have to pay 1.5%
of your age in dollars or $.15, whichever is greater, in the case
that you have the same first, middle, or last name. (UNISYS
- Bill Gates' first born son. (Again, just 'because'.)
- WE ARE THE CEOS OF UNISYS. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. USE OF THE GIF
IMAGE FORMAT IS FUTILE. USE OF THE LZW COMPRESSION FORMAT IS
FUTILE. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
- Screw Xerox PARC, *WE* invented windows!
Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via
email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who
forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.