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From: Larry Jackson (jackson at ncsa.uiuc.edu)
Subject: GIF Jokes

GIF Jokes

>From various news groups...
Q: What's the difference between Intel and Compuserve?
A: At least _Intel_ knew what was inside!

Q: What do you say to a Unisys public relations employee?
A: You're fired.

Q: What do you say to a new Unisys employee?
A: Public relations is to the left.

Q: What's the difference between a Unisys patent lawyer and a vulture?
A: $1.00 for the initial license, $.15 each additional copy.

Q: Did you hear the one about the Pentium LZW/3 chip?
A: Not only are the answers wrong, but seven years later you find a meter running on the CPU!

Q: Does Unisys have the rights to decompression as well?
A: No. Digital has the rights to anything beginning with "dec..."

Top 10 things that CompuServe and UNISYS are going after next:

  1. Jif peanut butter - on the fact that many people pronounce "GIF" the same way.
  2. The letters 'l', 'z', and 'w' in any context or form. (Language experts are now trying to come up with a new, improved English alphabet format which has all the qualities of the current alphabet and no undesirable qualities.)
  3. Oh, yeah, CompuServe wants the letters 'g', 'i', and 'f'.
  4. Any computer or facsimile of a computer that's big and has blinking lights.
  5. Bubblegum, just "because".
  6. Anything 'outside', since INTEL has the 'inside' covered.
  7. Any use to the names of the men for whom the LZH compression method was named after. Any children of yours and you will have to pay 1.5% of your age in dollars or $.15, whichever is greater, in the case that you have the same first, middle, or last name. (UNISYS employees exempt.)
  8. Bill Gates' first born son. (Again, just 'because'.)
  9. WE ARE THE CEOS OF UNISYS. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. USE OF THE GIF IMAGE FORMAT IS FUTILE. USE OF THE LZW COMPRESSION FORMAT IS FUTILE. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
  10. Screw Xerox PARC, *WE* invented windows!

Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.

 

 

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