A Fake Internet Presence,
Subject: TechWeenie Glossary
- To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences
Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted
The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
- Link Rot
- The process by which links on a web page became as obsolete as the sites
they're connected to change location or die.
- Object Value
In industrial design, a measure of consumers' immediate desire for an
even before they know or understand what it does. "Gassee may be nuts,
least the BeBox has great object value."
- Chip Jewelry
A euphamism for old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into
decorative ornaments. "I paid three grand for that Mac SE, and now it's
nothing but chip jewelry."
A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet. "I just wasted 30
downloading this stinkin' crapplet!"
A new hire who doesn't need any training. "The new guy, John, is great.
- World Wide Wait
The real meaning of WWW.
- CGI Joe
A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and
a plastic action figure.
- Dorito Syndrome
Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive
that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web,
now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."
- Under Mouse Arrest
Getting busted for violating an online service's rule of conduct. "Sorry
couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest."
Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at
conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the
room was glazing by the second session?"
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web message "404, URL Not
meaning that the document you've tried to access can't be located.
bother asking him...he's 404, man."
- Dead Tree Edition
The paper version of a publication available in both paper and
forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..."
Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for
mention of your name.
- Graybar Land
The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing
something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the
"I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to
that CAD rendering."
- Juice A Brick
To recharge the big, heavy NiCad batteries used in portable video
"You better start juicing those bricks, we've got a long shoot
- Open-Collar Workers
People who work at home or telecommute.
When a store's electronic scanner (usually inadvertantly) prices an item
higher than the price on the store's shelf or in an advertisement.
- Squirt The Bird
To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are
time do we squirt the bird?"
- Brain Fart
A biproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly. A
useful information. "I know you're busy on the Microsoft story, but can
give us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?" Variation of old hacker
slang that had more negative connotations.
- Cobweb Site
A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time. A dead
- It's a Feature
From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used sarcastically to
describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over.
- Keyboard Plaque
The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard
Putting up an emotional shield just as a relationship enters that
vulnerable stage. Refers to the retractable armor covering the
- Career-Limiting Move (CLM)
Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your
while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
- Elvis Year
The peak year of something's popularity. "Barney the dinosaur's Elvis
- Midair Passenger Exchange
Grim air-traffic-controller speak for a head-on collision. Midair
exchanges are immediately followed by "aluminum rain."
- Alpha Geek
The most knowledgable, technically proficient person in an office or
group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."
- Vomit Comet
A plane used to simulate zero-G for astronaut flight training. Trainees
get motion sickness inside.
The rarified organizational layers beginning just above the rank and
Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly
or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
People who are taking training classes just to get a vacation from their
jobs. "We had about three serious students in the class; the rest were
- Blowing Your Buffer
Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the person you are speaking
won't let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so
astonishing that your train gets derailed. "Damn, I just blew my
A TV or radio fund-raiser for a charity, religious organization, or PBS
station that employs every known form of guilt, sweet talking, and
begging to get people to fork over the dough.
- Gray Matter
Older, experienced business people hired by young entrpreneurial firms
looking to appear more reputable and established.
To take note of a person for future reference (a metaphor borrowed from
browsers). "I bookmarked him after seeing his cool demo at Siggraph."
Nickname for AOL's less-than-full-featured Web browser.
The brief siezure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off,
especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy
expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
- Client-Server Action
Geek euphamism for having sex. "I went to the Oracle party the other
hoping for some client-server action."
- Salmon Day
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed in the end.
Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via
email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who
forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.