From: (maybe) Marv Wolfman (marvw at primenet.com)
Subject: the Disney version
New Disney Classics
The Inferno by Dante Aligheri
The poet Dante (the voice of Bruce Willis) is led by his friend
Virgil (the voice of Anthony Quinn) on a magical trip underground
to the land of "Heck." Among the delightful creatures they visit
are the lovebirds Paolo and Francesca (the voices of Andrew Dice
Clay and Rosie O'Donnell), the Crying Trees (the band Nirvana),
and the Five Singing Little Devils (the Jacksons).
Moby Dick by Herman Melville
Crusty seafarer Captain Ahab (the voice of Dom Deluise) and his
lovely mermaid friend Fishtail (speaking voice of Brett Butler,
singing voice of Alanis Morrissette) take Ahab's young nephew
Ishmael (Matthew Broderick) on a delightful romp at sea in search
of the legendary great white whale Moby Dick (voice of Robin
Williams). Though songs of the whale's evil temper and
destructiveness are sung by many of the friendly natives on the
islands visited by the jolly crew, Moby turns out to be a lonely,
but lovable, giant. Ishmael learns an important lesson: Things
aren't always as they appear!
Animal Farm by George Orwell
Pigs, chickens, horses -- all the familiar barnyard crowd -- are
the heroes of this charming celebration of teamwork and diversity.
The poor animals, having suffered for years on a failing farm
under the tyranny of the cruel farmer Jones (Robert Goulet), are
suddenly liberated when Jones trips and falls down a well. Though
things are chaotic at first, the kindly young pigs Snowball
(Michael J. Fox) and Napoleon (Eddie Murphy) help the animals all
work together to turn the farm into a model of efficiency and
happiness. After the animals nurse Jones back to health, he
changes his evil ways and promises to treat all living things as
Hamlet by William Shakespeare
With his father dead and his evil uncle Claudius (Sylvester
Stallone) now ruling over the once-happy people of Denmark, all
seems lost for poor prince Hamlet (Johnny Depp). But Hamlet's
father (Leslie Nielson) is only pretending to be dead until he can
safely help place his young son on the throne and his evil brother
in jail. Featuring an underwater ballet with the beautiful Ophelia
(Bette Midler) and the loony antics of a wise-guy skull named
Yorick (Rodney Dangerfield), Hamlet's best friend.
No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre
Old friends Donald Duck, Daisy Duck, and Minnie Mouse are
surprised to find themselves sharing a room in a beautiful resort
hotel. Their every need is catered to by a mysterious butler (Jim
Carrey). Opening in conjunction with Walt Disney World's new
attraction, Being-and-Nothingness Land.
The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
Young Gregor Samsa (Arnold Schwarzenegger), overwhelmed by the
demands of his job as a clerk, wishes each night that he was a
creature without responsibility. He is amazed one morning when he
awakes to find himself changed into a beautiful beetle, which
delights his family and terrifies his cruel boss (Jerry Seinfeld),
who is horribly afraid of insects. Jiminy Cricket guides young
Gregor to a happy community of insects that nest below the dull
city of Prague.
Oedipus Rex by Sophocles
Thanks to the advice of a wise old owl (Sally Kellerman), a young
boy (Neil Patrick Harris) avoids many traps set by the evil fates
(Candice Bergen, Cybill Shepard, and Mary Tyler Moore) to help
save Greece from disaster. The boy, who was stolen from his family
at birth, is finally reunited with his loving mother (Barbara
Streisand) and father (Bill Cosby).
Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett
Vladimir and Estragon (the delightful Chip 'n' Dale) wait for
Godot (Rush Limbaugh), who arrives with limitless presents and
makes all their dreams come true.
Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via
email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who
forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.