Fiction L
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More of these added on 3-28-97.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To actualize its potential.

Roseanne Barr
Urrrrrp. What chicken?

George Bush
To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.

Julius Caesar
To come, to see, to conquer.

To cultivate its garden.

Bill the Cat
Oop Ack.

If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.

Joseph Conrad
Mistah Chicken, he dead.

Howard Cosell
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapiens pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Salvador Dali
The Fish.

It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Thomas Dequincy
Because it ran out of opium.

Rene Descartes
It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.

Emily Dickinson
Because it could not stop for death.

Bob Dylan
How many roads must one chicken cross?

TS Eliot
Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.

TS Eliot (revisited)
Do I dare to cross the road?

For fun.

Paul Erdos
It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Basil Fawlty
Oh, don't mind that chicken. It's from Barcelona.

Gerald R. Ford
It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.

Sigmund Freud
The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.

Robert Frost
To cross the road less traveled by.

Zsa Zsa Gabor
It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.

The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost, the chicken would be lost!

Johann Friedrich von Goethe
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway
To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Adolf Hitler
It needed Lebensraum.

David Hume
Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Lee Iacocca
It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.

John Paul Jones
It has not yet begun to cross!

Martin Luther King
It had a dream.

James Tiberius Kirk
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Stan Laurel
I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.

Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken? He's into that kind of thing, you know.

Gottfried Von Leibniz
In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.

Groucho Marx
Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

Karl Marx
To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.

Karl Marx
It was a historical inevitability.

Gregor Mendel
To get various strains of roads.

John Milton
To justify the ways of God to men.

Alfred E. Neumann
What? Me worry?

Sir Isaac Newton
Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Jack Nicholson
'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Thomas Paine
Out of common sense.

Michael Palin
Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!

Wolfgang Pauli
There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.

Pyrrho the Skeptic
What road?

Ronald Reagan
I forget.

Georg Friedrich Riemann
The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.

John Sununu
The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

Mr. Scott
'Cos ma wee transport0er beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!

William Shakespeare
I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.

Was it pushing a rock, too?

To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.

Mr. T
If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Margaret Thatcher
There was no alternative.

Dylan Thomas
To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.

Henry David Thoreau
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

George Washington
Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.

Mae West
I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Walt Whitman
To cluck the song of itself.

William Wordsworth
To have something to recollect in tranquility.

Molly Yard
It was a hen!

Henny Youngman
Take this chicken ... please.

Zeno of Elea
To prove it could never reach the other side.

Paul de Man
The chicken did not really cross the road because one side and the other are not really opposites in the first place.

Paul de Man
(uncovered after his death) So no one would find out it wrote for a collaborationist Belgian newspaper during the early years of World War II.

Jacques Lacan
Because of its desire for *object a*.

Roland Barthes
The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road,

Michel Foucault
It did so because the discourse of crossing the road left it no choice-the police state was oppressing it.

Jacques Derrida
What is the *differance?* The chicken was merely deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside of language?

Camille Paglia
It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing this-their minds do not work that way. Feminism tries vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them, falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved....

Ayn Rand
It was crossing the road *because of its own rational choice to do so. There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to each individual.

Immanuel Kant
Because it was a duty.

James Joyce
Once upon a time a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down...

James Joyce
To forge in the smithy of its soul the uncreated conscience of its race.

Leopold Bloom
Wonder why chickens cross roads. Must be some law. Migration maybe. Mrs. Marion Bloom.

Molly Bloom
the chicken crossed the road well Poldy I dont know why why do you worry about such stupid bloody things O speaking of stupid bloody things here it comes again damn it its only been three weeks I wonder is there something wrong with me yes

The Sphinx
You tell me.

William Faulkner
It's grandmother is a fish.

For the greater good.

Oliver North
National Security was at stake.

Albert Einstein
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Werner Heisenberg
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Saddam Hussein
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Jack Nicholson
'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Ronald Reagan
I forget.

Mark Twain
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Captain James T. Kirk
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Salvador Dali

Andersen Consultant
Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.

Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework.

Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the communication industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.

The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.

Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.

Copyright (C) 2009 Brandon Long. All Rights Reserved. / Terms of Service

The "I work for a big public company" disclaimer:
The views expressed on these pages are mine alone and not those of my employer.
I am not now, nor have I ever been employed to speak for anyone.
Well, except my own company, but that's gone now.