A Fake Internet Presence,
Subject: You might be a child of the 80s if
- You Might be a child of the 80s if:
- you have deep, personal relationships via computers with people you've
never met in real life before
- you know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic song
- the Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories
- you remember the first time "Space: Above and Beyond" aired - it was
called "Battlestar Galactica"
- songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day
- three words: "Atari" "IntelliVision" and "Coleco". Sound familiar?
- you remember the days that hooking your computer into your television
wasn't an expensive option that required gadgets - it was the ONLY WAY
to use your computer!
- you remember the days when "safe sex" meant "my parents are gone for
- you remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV
- you ever owned a pair of "Pop-Wheels" - that handy little combination
of shoe and roller skate that lasted about a year on the open market
- a predominant color in your childhood photos is "plaid"
- you see teenagers today wearing clothes that show up in those
childhood photos, and they still look bad
- while in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate
plans to get together again at the end of the century and play "1999"
by Prince over and over again
- you remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really was
- one of the top five questions you've always wanted answered was to
Robert Smith of the Cure - "What WAS that head on the door thing
- you were shocked and horrified at the Challenger explosion (which you
were probably watching in school at the time), and yet, when someone
mentions the name "JFK", the first thing you think of is "Oliver
- you, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet to "It's
the end of the world as we know it"
- you can't remember when the word "networking" didn't have a computer
connotation to it as well
- you took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van. You rode
in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you.
- you knew all the words to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire", but
it really didn't hold any meaning for you until about the third verse
- you've ever conversationally used the phrase "Jane, you ignorant slut"
- you watched HR Puffenstuff as a child, but now that you're older, you
really understand that it would have been much better had you known
about drugs at the time
- you've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following
- "When I was younger"
- "When I was your age"
- "You know, back when..."
- "Because I SAID so, that's why"
- "What the HELL is this noise on the radio?"
- "Just can't (fill in the blank) like I used to"
- you can't remember a time when "going out for coffee" DIDN'T involve
49,000 selections to choose from
- Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the
- Kids that work in restaurants and supermarkets are calling you "sir"
- you're starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a GOOD thing,
and you're ready to marry the next person who cards you when you want
to buy cigarettes.
- flashback: it was your first chance to vote in a presidential
election, and you were SO disappointed because, just for laughs, you
really wanted to vote for Gary Hart
- the first time you heard the candidates names, you were pumped because
you thought MICHAEL Jackson was running for President, not this Jesse
- you ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran,
Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video
- at one point during your teenage years, you walked with a noticeable
tilt to one side due to the number of plastic rings on that arm
- "Celebration" by Kool & the Gang was one of the hot new songs when you
first heard it at a school dance
- the first time you ever kissed someone at a dance fell during "Crazy
for You" by Madonna
- there were at least three people in your school that voluntarily went
by the names of "Skip" "Buffy" "Muffy" or "Dexter"
- you ever owned one of those embarrassing crimping irons
- you used to hold in your head the thought that all those gold chains
on Mr. T actually looked kinda cool and the thought that Mr. T made
millions seemed rational to you at the time
- you remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the
streets and made your old big wheel quite obsolete
- the phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter
- you read the "Hot Video Games Player's Secrets" guide for Mortal
Kombat just so you could find the hidden screen, and play Pong again
for old time's sake
- honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever
possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.
- you ever had nightmares about the giant red evil robot Maximillian
from the Disney movie "The Black Hole" and those blender attachments
he had for hands
- you were convinced for years that Batman was a mildly overweight man
with a moderate beer belly who wore his underwear outside of his
clothes and talked strangely
- (girls) you thought Sean Cassidy was "dreamy", lusted after "Ted, your
ship's photographer" on the Love Boat and Chachi, or, to keep it fair
to the comically interested, thought Fred was just a hunk on Scooby
- you're still occasionally suffering flashbacks from your 21st birthday
- you're starting to dread you're 30th birthday, and have even begun
going into denial about it's possibility
- you've ever said "I'm a vegetarian" and immediately had someone call
you a hypocrite by saying "Nice leather jacket you have there...and
gee, is that a suede bag...those shoes leather, too?"
- you're starting to believe that maybe 30 isn't so old after all, and
it's those people over 40 you have to look out for
- you freaked out when you found that you now fall into the "26 - 50"
age category on most questionnaires
- you have begun to lust after women (or men) that it would be socially
inappropriate for you to date due to their age
- your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became something which
can only be described by the phrase "I was experimenting"
- this timeline appropriately describes actual events in your life: Star
Wars opens, you are still in single digit ages, and you think the
creatures are WAY cool. Empire Strikes Back opens, you are now in
early double digit ages, and you are convinced that the special
effects are much better, the characters are cool, and you want one of
every collectible out there. Return of the Jedi hits the
theaters...you are now a teenager, you fantasize forever and ever
about it, and send off to join every fan club for them on the planet,
hanging posters, photos, and "teen"-type magazine spreads all over
your walls and lockers at school.
- you've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but not in the
last five years, okay?
- you can't remember a time when "hitting the outlet stores" didn't mean
going to an electrical warehouse
- you're starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect YOU) that
maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad
idea after all
- you're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your major
- you won't walk into the place where you once knew every bartender on a
first name basis because "there's too many kids there"
- going to keg parties no longer involves hiding out in the woods when
the cops show up
- you want to go out dancing, you really, REALLY do, but your back
- you're starting to think that Corvettes really look good, and aren't
REALLY for guy's going through a mid-life crisis. That's not YOU.
- you're starting to get that "why aren't you married yet" shpiel, not
just from parents, but now from friends that are married
- you've recently horrified yourself by groaning as you get out of bed,
not because of a hangover, but because it genuinely just hurt to do so
- you're finding that you just don't understand more than half the lingo
used on MTV any more
- you ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon
- U2 is too "popular" and "mainstream" for you now
- you ever used the phrase "kiss mah grits" in conversation
- When somone mentions two consecutive days of the week, the Happy Days
theme is stuck in your head for hours on end
- you remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch from the
- you ever used the phrase "don't make me angry...you wouldn't LIKE me
when I'm angry" when trying to frighten someone off.
- you spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman or
Wonder Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man
- you had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding (on General
- you remember "Hey, let's be careful out there"
- you're parents wanted you to attend medical school, but you decided it
was pointless since Quincy got all the babes, anyway.
- you know who shot J.R.
- this rings a bell: "and my name, is Charlie. They work for me."
Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via
email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who
forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.