The Nervous Priest
Father Jonna Eli Pulli was so nervous at his first mass
that he could hardly speak. Before his second week in the
pulpit, he asked the Monsignor how he could relax. The
Monsignor said, next week it may help if you put some vodka
in the water pitcher. (*Hmmm... nice idea.. hehee..*)
After a few sips, everything should go smoothly. The next
week, the priest put the suggestion into practice. He was
able to talk up a storm and felt just great. Upon returning
to the rectory however, he found a note from the Monsignor:
- Next time, sip rather than gulp.
- There are ten commandments, not twelve.
- There are twelve disciples, not ten.
- David slaid Goliath, he didn't kick the shit out of him.
- We do not refer to our saviour Jesus Christ and his
Apostles as J.C. and the boys.
- Next week there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's
not a Peter pulling at St. Taffy's.
- The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost are not referred to
as Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
- We do not refer to the Cross as the "big X".
- The recommended grace before meals is not "rub-a-dub-dub,
thanks for the grub, yeah God".
- And you don't refer to the Virgin Mary as Mary with the Cherry.
Note: I'm not the author, these tidbits were all forwarded to me via
email. Where I know the author, it is given.
The From: header may be the author, or it may just be the person who
forwarded it to me.
Feel free to contact me to claim authorship.
Copyright (C) 2009 Brandon Long. All Rights Reserved.
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